Untied

September 24

A week later I’m already scaling boulders and rocks and whitewashed walls. Not. But I have moved to three sets of arm exercises – today I did it twice. That’s six sets. Wow. Stronger arms and math skills, I’m on a roll!

I’m also drinking milk. I’m half a half-a-gallon down in three days. That’s the beauty of blogs – narcissism at its shiny fake silver peak. Everything you do is worthy enough to be penned down because you are essentially just writing as you think and so Alice is in wonderland, slipping down dark green leaves and into pasta bowls. Sometimes your brain feels like a slippery fish, you try to wrap your fingers around it but it slips out again and again, slopping sloppily all over your fake wood floors. Or like overcooked spaghetti. Are you happy, you ask, peering down into the gray-pink folds of your mind. Are you sending the right messages out, connecting the dots and nudging the neurotransmitters that can keep you happy? Dopamine that is. Something doesn’t feel right, but rationally thinking I should be at peace, if I wire my wires right I can be more content so take a deep breath, reach for your mind like you would for a sweater with holes in it and sit down on a cane chair and patiently mend the tears. You’ll only see the silver linings if you put your glasses on because you’re far-sighed, Aisha. It makes sense. Or just turn over the dark clouds or just grab a silver market and draw the lines around.

My problem has always been that I start fretting about things that don’t matter to me. I’ve always been a believer of free will, control and freedom. Just because you feel a particular way doesn’t mean you give up and wallow around in it forever. You maneuver your own strings.

So, good news is I can reach for the sweatshirt hanging on the back of my chair and open doors painlessly now. Bad news is I went jogging today and I actually had to pause and think if I actually knew how to jog. Seriously? The weather was perfect, the sun slowly sighing into the blue backdrop, the air just cold enough so that the tip of my nose felt I had put my face in the freezer for sixty seconds. Once I learnt that you should jog so that your heels hit the ground before your toes I felt like an extra organ had suddenly appeared above my heart, between my lungs at the base of my windpipe. Breathing suddenly became a little harder, I decided to blame it on the leftover Thai food I had.

It was fun though and I think coupled with my already strict (ha.ha) exercise regime, frequent jogging will turn me into a superwoman.