Tangents

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September 18

I have a tendency to get lost in lists; what with Japanese drummer girls, baby giraffes and hot air balloons all within reach, I think I kind of strayed too far away. And then a slight tug around my ankles, a vague fretting sensation, the beginnings of melancholy. Fears, anxiety, nostalgia, longing for someone you’re used to being part of your daily grind. A happening, happy life brimming with awesomeness? According to whom? For whom? Is someone really watching and measuring how cool you are; does anyone care? Is it really sad if nobody really does or does it work the other way around too? When do I stop being an insecure 16 year old?

Remembering your self-designed purpose in life can be difficult in these fast-paced times where it feels months pass like minutes, calendar pages whirring away in the kind of blur they show in movies to show time’s passing by. I put up so many little post-its and daily planner pages that the larger picture is completely covered up – the real reason I have to finish my research methods assignment, my social justice readings. It’s kind of like trying to stand on your knees on an inflatable flat float in a swimming pool. The float keeps slipping away, popping up and flopping away from you. But you have to keep trying.

Like the cheap foam pink Energizer bunny ears on my shelf say: Keep going.

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