Moments of Magic

The sky glows - pink, lavender, baby blue, gold, like a rainbow has melted and soaked into the clouds. There is a soft breeze and tiny snowflakes whirl all around us like in a dream.

Music wafts from Fahad's phone in my pocket and there is that rare moment of magic, the kind you can never create, that has to be unexpected, that makes you feel alive and grateful, that reminds you of how beautiful the world is.

Such moments are always fleeting. That lofty happiness has to evaporate - like a soap bubble. The beauty lies in its evanescence.

What I find incredible about being a mother is how often I get to experience that gratitude and happy-hued love for life. 

Despite the recent rather long streak of unruly nights, the arrival of the toddler tantrum, continued pre-dawn mornings and the scrambling in the midst of changing your pjs or sipping your tea because the baby toddler man has decided to clamber over the safety gate or is beaming at you with his chubby hand poised over your computer's plug.

Finishing a film in one sitting is no longer possible because we are both falling asleep at 10pm, if not earlier. Some nights barely start before Z is crying inconsolably already, some nights feel so long because I wake up every hour or two hours, clawing out of a deep sleep to stumble into his room and find the dummy which has a habit of hopping out of the cot and hiding in some dark shadowy corner of the room. Which evil pixies are these that hurl baby pacifiers across the room?!

For once in our life, we have to be selfless, pushing aside all our newly learnt concepts of 'me-time' and 'I deserve the best', of unwinding and long baths and uninterrupted sleep. In return for being part of the most incredible social experiment ever - seeing babies and caring for them 24/7 means you are witnessing a continuous miracle, or series of mini miracles.

Z is a regular little monkey now, copying everything, catching us off guard sometimes. The other day I was sipping my tea and every time I lifted the cup to my lips he would grin and say 'aaahhh'. I don't even make that obnoxious post-sip exhalation sound! (Must be Fahad) Of course anything a 14 month old does is instantly adorable. Even farts and burps and sneezes.

Okay not everything. Poop is never adorable. Neither are tantrums nor 2 am wailing.

But most things are. It is a challenge to set limits and be stern (kind but stern!) about things like biting and clawing at mum's face when it is accompanied with bright shiny eyes and an insuppressible giggle. Instead of being ashamed when he bites my kneecap and I yell, he always imitates the yelling and then bursts into laughter.

He can say so many words now, not always aimed at the right thing or at the right moment but still amazing! Book, Baba and doodoo are 99% accurate. Another favourite is 'bus' (as in the Urdu version of enough) and he says it to indicate he's full like I intended (to replace the before mentioned vehement swatting of food laden spoons) but then also to say he still wants more and then at some other random moments when he could be hinting that he has had enough of my smooches.

I find it incredible how they start developing their preferences and then ensuring these are met and if not then making sure the Hinderer pays! Whether it's a sudden dislike of carrots or egg yolks, or a desire to continue using mum as a walker for 45 minutes.

He is getting much harder to fool, especially when it comes to food. And you cannot drink or eat anything in front of him unless you offer it to him too.

He is obsessed with the oven timer, the beep of the washing machine ending a cycle will stop him mid track anywhere and he will zoom on all our fours into the kitchen. He loves going to the park. He can say park. And my current favourite with a 60% success rate is him repeating 'diaper' after me.

Amazing.

Also how sweet and cute his voice gets when I'm asking him to say these silly
words.

I could write about his antics all night but I think it's best to get some shut eye while I can.

Being your mum is the most magical thing ever, Z. And I pray and hope with all my heart that as you grow up, you get to experience rainbow skies and majestic mountains and desolately beautiful beaches, and this sense of wonder and love for life that you gift me every day.