Parenting Secrets


I think all parents in the world are in on a secret that they keep hidden in the deep dark silken pockets of their minds - giving birth is no walk in the park but the actual trek up the mountain starts the day you bring baby home.

The first month is a whirlwind, especially the first two weeks where you lie in anxiety ridden sleep deprivation, wondering if you will ever be able to read a book and have a cup of tea again, and will life ever be the same?

Two months from then, I can safely say yes to the first question and no to the second one. But then nobody plans to have a child with the intention of keeping their lives the same - even the most inexperienced of us have a solid inkling that life is going to change significantly once we have a tiny tot in the crib.

After my initial conviction (despite friends and families' assurances to the contrary) that I am the one odd lady who just won't be able to handle parenthood, I think I have, for now, cautiously disembarked the roller-coaster of heartbreaking love and nerve wracking fear, and gotten aboard a more sturdy routine train of adoration (i'mma love you so much i'mma eat you!), amazement (you can chuck your pacifier out when you want!) and occasional annoyance (why won't you nap for more than 30 minutes!?) at baby Zain.

From incessantly worrying about our tiny baby's fragility - watch that head, did you sanitise your hands, is his head touching the cushion that we most definitely have not washed with non-bio detergent - we have come to poking and tickling his belly, telling him to behave when he whine-cries, leaving the steriliser half open sometimes and kissing him after dinner without wondering if he will appreciate the smell of beef chili on his super soft cheek.

By six weeks, we had established a routine, settled on a feeding pattern after finally coming to terms with feelings of incompetence and failure associated with anything other than 'exclusive' breast feeding (I was naively unaware of the brands in infant feeding -  exclusive breast feeding being the Jimmy Choo of baby milk and my combined feeding falling somewhere along Forever 21 standards).  Side note on the word exclusive here -  it's kind of unnecessary. Just like posting pictures of your dad gifting you a Mercedes or your Dalgona Balgona coffee. 

Baby finally stops howling (generally) during diaper changes, kind of accepts bathing as a necessity and somewhat intriguing experience, becomes a lot more interesting with their smiles and chuckles and frowns and coos, less sensitive to farts and gas, more attentive to colours and patterns and sounds.

Waking up in panic gave way to dreams of baby slipping from my arms as the gap between night feeds increased from uncertain 1-2 hours to more regular 3 hours, and then finally, one night you hear baby whimper and check the clock and check it again... 5 hours?! (Not of you sleeping, don't be daft, you're not in heaven - but the time between baby's last feed and now). Now I dream I have to get up for a feed only to realise I've already done the triathlon (diaper change, feed and burp) and baby's sleeping sweetly in his crib. Kind of like the feeling when you wake up before your alarm dreading it's going to be just ten minutes till it rings only to see you have an entire hour of sleep still!

I'm told not to get used to this and after reading up on the 4 month regression I wish I hadn't. But for now I will thank God for any night that grants me a 4 hour sleep stretch.

To brand new moms out there:
-You can do it, you will do it and yes, we all were sure we cannot do it.
-Your tiny tot is stronger and more resilient than you think.
-Yes, a lot of babies have that problem.
-Accepting help does not make you a lesser mom. As my cousin said, we are all super moms in our own right.
- And finally, you will, I swear, one day, for some days, sleep for more than two hours at a stretch (it happened to me after six weeks I think.. Or five? See, you forget. This is God's joke on parents and the reason why people have more than one kid).

For now, remember for every bad day or night, there will be good days and nights. There will be days when baby doesn't nap at all and then there will be days he naps for two hours after every feed and you will not only get dinner ready, you might even finish an entire chapter of your book!


Much love to all moms (and dads and grandmas and anyone else who pitches in!)


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